We keep fighting to transform evil into good not because we have any choice, but because we have no choice.
We fight through the night and the darkness with light not because we fancy it but because all other means lead to despair.
We hold the banner of hope not because we have by our utmost reached it, but because we desperately seek it and hold to it.
...
"There is no light" whispers the night and our bowels answer "there is no hope"...
Our memory is our accuser and our hearts have no redeemer..
Who will cast life to the dead and laughter to the one that has been torn apart?
We hold on the banner of HOPE high; it is what we can do. Yet beyond our strengths, beyond our nature it persists, YES a banner that is born of our death and is therefore not of us. Cast away it was and is, yet it higher waves above our corpses because in us it cannot be found. Look above, raise your brow, there beyond death you will see it as vivid as the pain you now feel.
Mostrando postagens com marcador pensamentos. Mostrar todas as postagens
Mostrando postagens com marcador pensamentos. Mostrar todas as postagens
quarta-feira, fevereiro 24, 2016
quarta-feira, novembro 18, 2015
The study of proper language is nothing more than the study of aesthetics. Proper language makes our communication easier and possibly more precise.
Can we not say the same thing about aesthetics itself?
Perhaps about art?
So much of the art I have been exposed to makes my life so much more difficult, communication and interpretation of life less precise. Should we esteem this art as high as the one that makes our life sharper and preciser?
Can we not say the same thing about aesthetics itself?
Perhaps about art?
So much of the art I have been exposed to makes my life so much more difficult, communication and interpretation of life less precise. Should we esteem this art as high as the one that makes our life sharper and preciser?
terça-feira, setembro 29, 2015
Não mais um des-amor
Enquanto meditava estes dias eu percebi o quanto amei.
Cada fragmento, ainda que quebrado, tal caco de vidro arranhado pelo asfalto, amei.
O problema maior está não no amor, mas em nao se des-amar.
O des-amor nunca foi inventado, não existe (e por mais que o diabo queira não existirá).
Quem por mais que quisesse pode desfazer um cafuné?
Quem por mais que queira consegue des-cheirar? des-chorar? des-dar-se?
Quem por mais que queira pode desfazer um ombro chorado?
"Fidelidade até mesmo à ex é o que tens" por vez me disseram.
Purissima verdade que só hoje entendo, ao saber por fim que não existe des-amor.
Realidade mais forte isso por fim traz a tona ao maior mandamento:
"Amarás" é o que o Senhor diz, não por assim necessitar, mas por não existir o des-amor.
segunda-feira, setembro 21, 2015
Winds of the modern thinker
The same mouth that proclaims protection of life in nature is the mouth that puffs the smoke of his cigar to bring death to his lungs. The same hands that will protect a voiceless baby cub for its right to live are the hands that surgically extract the the fetus from a mother's womb. The same chest that fills with revolt with a politician taking what he can from the public good is the chest that defends that each man ought to direct his efforts to himself.
It causes indignation to be numbed by doctrine of religion but not by the effects of narcotics.
It causes indignation to dissolve a contract, a peace treaty, a friendship but not a wedding.
It causes indignation to abstain from ones desires for the service of God but not for the service of money.
Self immolation to satisfy beauty standards is fine, self sacrifice for the sake of a moral standard is not.
So many would hastily recognize the shamefulness of the holocaust of history books, so few would recognize the shamefulness of the holocaust of the news papers.
A man killing another is condemnable a nation killing thousands is fine.
To let ones moral conscience be guided by the winds of modern times is to conform to idiocy.
It causes indignation to be numbed by doctrine of religion but not by the effects of narcotics.
It causes indignation to dissolve a contract, a peace treaty, a friendship but not a wedding.
It causes indignation to abstain from ones desires for the service of God but not for the service of money.
Self immolation to satisfy beauty standards is fine, self sacrifice for the sake of a moral standard is not.
So many would hastily recognize the shamefulness of the holocaust of history books, so few would recognize the shamefulness of the holocaust of the news papers.
A man killing another is condemnable a nation killing thousands is fine.
To let ones moral conscience be guided by the winds of modern times is to conform to idiocy.
The bigger your inner world gets the smaller the outer world seems.
The more organized your inner world is the messier the outer world becomes.
The messier your inner world gets, the more inaccessible the outer world proves to be.
The outer world triumphs when your inner world is small, organized and uninteresting.
The triumph of the inner world though is a lonely and sorrowful path ... who will full heartedly follow it?
I feel tormented by the discovery of my sojournings, that folly is therefore preferable to wisdom, for in fooley there is a passing joyfulness that wisdom seems to know nothing of. Would not the preacher, son of David agree?
The more organized your inner world is the messier the outer world becomes.
The messier your inner world gets, the more inaccessible the outer world proves to be.
The outer world triumphs when your inner world is small, organized and uninteresting.
The triumph of the inner world though is a lonely and sorrowful path ... who will full heartedly follow it?
I feel tormented by the discovery of my sojournings, that folly is therefore preferable to wisdom, for in fooley there is a passing joyfulness that wisdom seems to know nothing of. Would not the preacher, son of David agree?
sexta-feira, setembro 18, 2015
sub-profesias no vórtice [coletânia de lixo mental]
Fortes sensações seguidas de contentamento me alcançam, por algum motivo, ou sem motivo algum, isso já nao sei dizer. Nunca foi a humanidade tão humana em meus olhos e em minha mente se repete "é gado como você". Talvês, eu pondero, no dia que levar uma vida com minhas mãos em carne, esta realidade se complete, e ai está o pecado maior nao enchergar a Deus mais nos olhos dos outros.
"Já o fizestes!" me diz Moisés.
"Mas porque então nao prossigo?" pergunto.
Paulo lhe defende "Isso é pensamento de quem nao renasceu."
"Queres negar meu nascimento? Não preciso de voce para isso, basta entrar em minha casa, entre meus irmãos, eles fazem isso dia e noite, 'não há um salvo sequer' proclamam com seus olhos." Revoltado lhe respondo apontando os facões, um em cada mão, a eles... continuo "talvez serão voces os primeiros?"
Seus vultos desaparecem.
"Isaac foi obediente ao pai, Abraão nao o forçaria no altar." sussurrou a memoria.
"Não não não!" nego veementemente.. "isso é absurdo! É claro que seu pai o amarrou, o confundiu e o traiu, se assim não o for, venha se eu te disser que Deus me ordenou voce se ajoelharia?"
Nunca encontrei um homem que respondesse que sim, também não o farei nem o fez Isaac.
Vos disseram "quem nunca pecou que atire a primeira pedra" eu porem vos digo "quem aqui crê que seja o primeiro a se amarrar".
...
A fé parece ser um corpo esguio que nao se encontra em lugar algum, mas que em toda brecha, em toda sombra, toda duvida, em toda carta e toda guerra ela ali está. Se pudessemos colocar as mãos nela já a teriamos matado e nos matariamos no ato, e por isso Deus a escondeu suficientemente de nós por amor a nós.
A Fé dialogava com Sabedoria "Como podes saber?" perguntou a fé a sabedoria. "Não sei" respondeu a Sabedoria. "Como podes crer?" perguntou a Sabedoria, "Sei" respondeu a fé. De fato a sabedoria nada sabe, a fé tudo sabe.
"Um homem não pode receber coisa alguma ao menos que lhe tenha sido dado do céu." não é obvio? Não vês que todo conhecimento é revelado? Procure o quanto quiser entre seus cálculos e suas medidas, não encontrareis ao menos que lhe seja dado, e ainda que encontres, nada tereis enquanto por fé não receberem. Por isso, este ensino lhes dou "ao empíricista a experiencia, ao axiomático a dedução, ao fiel a verdade" não é claro agora? O que mais preciso lhe dizer? Precisas de outro experimento? Queres mais uma dedução? Não vais encontrar a em cima de sua cabeça o que se encontra abaixo de seus pés. Humilhai-vos! Humilhai-vos lhes digo novamente! Abaixem suas cabeças orgulhosas e só assim verão.
O anjo sussurrou em silencio "nada podes fazer meu filho.. o olhar também ao Senhor pertence".
O eco destas palavras permanece, recosto minha cabeça e durmo, finalmente.
"Já o fizestes!" me diz Moisés.
"Mas porque então nao prossigo?" pergunto.
Paulo lhe defende "Isso é pensamento de quem nao renasceu."
"Queres negar meu nascimento? Não preciso de voce para isso, basta entrar em minha casa, entre meus irmãos, eles fazem isso dia e noite, 'não há um salvo sequer' proclamam com seus olhos." Revoltado lhe respondo apontando os facões, um em cada mão, a eles... continuo "talvez serão voces os primeiros?"
Seus vultos desaparecem.
"Isaac foi obediente ao pai, Abraão nao o forçaria no altar." sussurrou a memoria.
"Não não não!" nego veementemente.. "isso é absurdo! É claro que seu pai o amarrou, o confundiu e o traiu, se assim não o for, venha se eu te disser que Deus me ordenou voce se ajoelharia?"
Nunca encontrei um homem que respondesse que sim, também não o farei nem o fez Isaac.
Vos disseram "quem nunca pecou que atire a primeira pedra" eu porem vos digo "quem aqui crê que seja o primeiro a se amarrar".
...
A fé parece ser um corpo esguio que nao se encontra em lugar algum, mas que em toda brecha, em toda sombra, toda duvida, em toda carta e toda guerra ela ali está. Se pudessemos colocar as mãos nela já a teriamos matado e nos matariamos no ato, e por isso Deus a escondeu suficientemente de nós por amor a nós.
A Fé dialogava com Sabedoria "Como podes saber?" perguntou a fé a sabedoria. "Não sei" respondeu a Sabedoria. "Como podes crer?" perguntou a Sabedoria, "Sei" respondeu a fé. De fato a sabedoria nada sabe, a fé tudo sabe.
"Um homem não pode receber coisa alguma ao menos que lhe tenha sido dado do céu." não é obvio? Não vês que todo conhecimento é revelado? Procure o quanto quiser entre seus cálculos e suas medidas, não encontrareis ao menos que lhe seja dado, e ainda que encontres, nada tereis enquanto por fé não receberem. Por isso, este ensino lhes dou "ao empíricista a experiencia, ao axiomático a dedução, ao fiel a verdade" não é claro agora? O que mais preciso lhe dizer? Precisas de outro experimento? Queres mais uma dedução? Não vais encontrar a em cima de sua cabeça o que se encontra abaixo de seus pés. Humilhai-vos! Humilhai-vos lhes digo novamente! Abaixem suas cabeças orgulhosas e só assim verão.
O anjo sussurrou em silencio "nada podes fazer meu filho.. o olhar também ao Senhor pertence".
O eco destas palavras permanece, recosto minha cabeça e durmo, finalmente.
domingo, setembro 06, 2015
White Owl
Every man is an island, as in Anadoris none but oneself may step the shores of his soul where one true self dwells. Our senses, that are occupied with this physical world, if not a mere delusion, provide us naught but a letters from one side of the universe to the other, and the islander that sent it know not if the one that receives it would ever know the language it was written.
Some men have, for a moment, the privilege of having God to accompany them. This is a mystery, it is vain to try to understand why some do and some not. This mysterious company is all one could ever wish from this worldly experience, for to wish to see another islander or to escape the island that was given to him is vanity.
It is mysterious to me how young I was when this was taught to me by images and by heart and how old I am now that I have finally been able to learn this in words.
segunda-feira, julho 27, 2015
quinta-feira, junho 18, 2015
Dois Inimigos, Duas Lutas, Dois Sonhos
// Bem, já que comecei a falar continuo... eu espero q o blog realmente esteja cumprindo o seu propósito de servir de fonte para obras maiores. Digo isso por ver demais bons recursos caindo nas mãos de pessoas erradas. Um ultimo comentário que eu peço a quem de bom coração passar por este post é que se faça uma oração por mim e pela belissima Anadoris que por ora parece tão distante. Se em tempos passados eu desejei reviver meus tempos nesta belissima ilha, e pensei que este compartilhar me traria mais proximo, infelizmente tenho sentido que o blog tem sido uma fonte Vidigardiana (para quem nao conhece... é uma cidade sem esperança - aliaz, onde ela reside com os ciganos regeitados). Não desejo prolongar estes sentimentos amargos, mas, somente pedir por esta oração.
sexta-feira, janeiro 16, 2015
A Keen Eye and a Fallen Chin
Anh entered into the house with a smile as I finished cleaning the kitchen. "Do you want some chocolate? Anh" I asked him as he stepped inside.
"You don't look ... humm" said Anh with a pause as he looked me in the eyes with his head leaned side-wards with a smile.. "you look grey and dark. What happened?".
What he was unaware of was that I had just posted "Ribs and Terrors in the Whale" on my blog... his keen eyes though observed me as I handed him a big chunk of chocolate. When he said it I wasn't sure how to reply... "joga verde para colher maduro" or "faz de bobo" [meening "play stupid" or "putting an idea to the test"] are two general expressions that describe what I generally chose to do in these awkward situations to verify where the observation comes from. I crossed my legs on the couch and looked him back in his eyes and said "you mean physically or spiritually?".
He sat opposite to me on the other couch always smiling. He took his time as he answered "Spiritually..." another pause "you are not like this, I see it in your face. What happened?".
I couldn't hide it anymore from him, I guess he passed the test as I looked downwards nodding my head confirming "Actually you are right. I'm not good...".
"You have a very keen eye Anh." I added moments latter as I raised my face to his.
"Keen? What is keen?" He asked. "Sharp, precise.. " I explained. "Ohh! What happened? Did you sleep this night?".
...After a long conversation about Jonah and about fighting with God [about doing God's will, prayer and another infinite things] he said "I am sure! I have lived with you for the last 3 months, I am sure that after you come back from church you will be happy!". [I was actually going to the FCSI meeting.].
I smiled already.. took my bike and as I opened the door I felt the humid wind blowing from the rain on my chest. He said: "God is testing you David. That is why it is raining, you have to face the rain to go to the house of God."... ..."I am willing ..." I thought to myself as I stepped outside with my God given crocks facing the light rain that would follow me on all the way to the meeting.
// This is the prelude to the changes that God did in my heart this day. Coming to the meeting I felt hope replenished once again. Seeing the Kingdom and its citizens in action. Thank God for his mercies and the miracle of reaching man's heart in the darkness!
// I will obey the Lord and look at him, my joy and my salvation!
"You don't look ... humm" said Anh with a pause as he looked me in the eyes with his head leaned side-wards with a smile.. "you look grey and dark. What happened?".
What he was unaware of was that I had just posted "Ribs and Terrors in the Whale" on my blog... his keen eyes though observed me as I handed him a big chunk of chocolate. When he said it I wasn't sure how to reply... "joga verde para colher maduro" or "faz de bobo" [meening "play stupid" or "putting an idea to the test"] are two general expressions that describe what I generally chose to do in these awkward situations to verify where the observation comes from. I crossed my legs on the couch and looked him back in his eyes and said "you mean physically or spiritually?".
He sat opposite to me on the other couch always smiling. He took his time as he answered "Spiritually..." another pause "you are not like this, I see it in your face. What happened?".
I couldn't hide it anymore from him, I guess he passed the test as I looked downwards nodding my head confirming "Actually you are right. I'm not good...".
"You have a very keen eye Anh." I added moments latter as I raised my face to his.
"Keen? What is keen?" He asked. "Sharp, precise.. " I explained. "Ohh! What happened? Did you sleep this night?".
...After a long conversation about Jonah and about fighting with God [about doing God's will, prayer and another infinite things] he said "I am sure! I have lived with you for the last 3 months, I am sure that after you come back from church you will be happy!". [I was actually going to the FCSI meeting.].
I smiled already.. took my bike and as I opened the door I felt the humid wind blowing from the rain on my chest. He said: "God is testing you David. That is why it is raining, you have to face the rain to go to the house of God."... ..."I am willing ..." I thought to myself as I stepped outside with my God given crocks facing the light rain that would follow me on all the way to the meeting.
// This is the prelude to the changes that God did in my heart this day. Coming to the meeting I felt hope replenished once again. Seeing the Kingdom and its citizens in action. Thank God for his mercies and the miracle of reaching man's heart in the darkness!
// I will obey the Lord and look at him, my joy and my salvation!
"Ribs and Terrors in the Whale"
One could barely hear their whispering: ‘Jack, he’s robbed a widow;’ and ‘Joe, do you mark him; he’s a bigamist;’ or, ‘Harry lad, I guess he’s the adulterer that broke jail in old Gomorrah, or belike, one of the missing murderers from Sodom.’..
How plainly he's a fugitive! no baggage, not a hatbox, valise, or carpet-bag,—no friends to accompany him to the decks...
//Adapted from the book of the whale ch. 9
I've been there like the prophet before me.. you know, I thought I could buy the ticket and zarp off to Cadiz. I think I still do sometimes.. though not like him I might be more of a coward than of whatever he is.
Lend me your judgement if I may, who is the worst? One who goes to the port, buys the ticket and flees to Tarshish? Or one who hides from men's faces [and fine ladies] at the port and returns to the false comfort of his bed?
Don't tell me your answer [your fine judgement]... Thank you very much sir! I can live without it, for I know where your answer comes from I know your pocket is empty and that your mouth speaks of things your hand do not do! Argggg...
He has confirmed my understanding and feels my pain, though his mouth... arggg... once again there is no discussing with You! There is always a beautiful ending although corrupted paths seem to be forgiven and unanswered. Ill shut up ...
Then a voice said to me in my anguish. He says: "Filthy filthy! You are as pigs in my holy crib. Shout oh prophet! Lift up your voice and proclaim of the sins they have committed! And you my prophet, you must repent before me and bring me gift offerings and offerings of gratitude."
I say [though I hate the words that come out of my mouth]: "Damn you. My soul has lusted, my heart has received the fine linen and has invited Babylon [the whore] to visit me. You though have hardened her heart to repentance and hardened my hands that there shall be no pleasure in my sin and no path for my corruption." and continued "You have shown them left and right through me, yet my hands know not anymore the certainties of my childhood.".
He says: "This is a city of worship and I declare it Holy by the works of My hands. You shall not defile it and neither shall they have pleasure in their wrong doings. You oh prophet take your place and keep it Holy. Have I not given it to you? Can you not see the works of my hands? How can you doubt that if I give reason to dogs can I not give happiness to the saint that I have kept in my hands?".
I say: "I look forwards and I don't see the promises, I look backwards [like Lot's wife] but there is nothing there. The ports are empty, Cadis is no more, and the prophet [that came before me] has repented to sanctify what I wished profane... you have promised me greater things that my eyes do not see and my heart feels no pleasure in. Where is the happiness of the Holy one? Is the prophet [that came before me] pleased? or has he not also mourned at your good works?"
In the mists of my sins he said and did not tire to lift his voice: "You shall not have pleasure in things that do not satisfy. I have made for you a bed and a path through my Holy law, and it shall not depart from you even in your stubbornness [I have written it in your heart where you cannot reach]. You may look at me and be glad or look astray and pain in that which is not Holy. Behold, thus I say and will not repent. For the prophet that came before you has payed his lot[in suffering] though I offered him gladness, will I not give you of the same cup? I lay before you songs of happiness and you do not dance, do not wish for the songs of mourning for your lord has chosen Joy.".
How plainly he's a fugitive! no baggage, not a hatbox, valise, or carpet-bag,—no friends to accompany him to the decks...
//Adapted from the book of the whale ch. 9
I've been there like the prophet before me.. you know, I thought I could buy the ticket and zarp off to Cadiz. I think I still do sometimes.. though not like him I might be more of a coward than of whatever he is.
Lend me your judgement if I may, who is the worst? One who goes to the port, buys the ticket and flees to Tarshish? Or one who hides from men's faces [and fine ladies] at the port and returns to the false comfort of his bed?
Don't tell me your answer [your fine judgement]... Thank you very much sir! I can live without it, for I know where your answer comes from I know your pocket is empty and that your mouth speaks of things your hand do not do! Argggg...
He has confirmed my understanding and feels my pain, though his mouth... arggg... once again there is no discussing with You! There is always a beautiful ending although corrupted paths seem to be forgiven and unanswered. Ill shut up ...
...
Then a voice said to me in my anguish. He says: "Filthy filthy! You are as pigs in my holy crib. Shout oh prophet! Lift up your voice and proclaim of the sins they have committed! And you my prophet, you must repent before me and bring me gift offerings and offerings of gratitude."
I say [though I hate the words that come out of my mouth]: "Damn you. My soul has lusted, my heart has received the fine linen and has invited Babylon [the whore] to visit me. You though have hardened her heart to repentance and hardened my hands that there shall be no pleasure in my sin and no path for my corruption." and continued "You have shown them left and right through me, yet my hands know not anymore the certainties of my childhood.".
He says: "This is a city of worship and I declare it Holy by the works of My hands. You shall not defile it and neither shall they have pleasure in their wrong doings. You oh prophet take your place and keep it Holy. Have I not given it to you? Can you not see the works of my hands? How can you doubt that if I give reason to dogs can I not give happiness to the saint that I have kept in my hands?".
I say: "I look forwards and I don't see the promises, I look backwards [like Lot's wife] but there is nothing there. The ports are empty, Cadis is no more, and the prophet [that came before me] has repented to sanctify what I wished profane... you have promised me greater things that my eyes do not see and my heart feels no pleasure in. Where is the happiness of the Holy one? Is the prophet [that came before me] pleased? or has he not also mourned at your good works?"
In the mists of my sins he said and did not tire to lift his voice: "You shall not have pleasure in things that do not satisfy. I have made for you a bed and a path through my Holy law, and it shall not depart from you even in your stubbornness [I have written it in your heart where you cannot reach]. You may look at me and be glad or look astray and pain in that which is not Holy. Behold, thus I say and will not repent. For the prophet that came before you has payed his lot[in suffering] though I offered him gladness, will I not give you of the same cup? I lay before you songs of happiness and you do not dance, do not wish for the songs of mourning for your lord has chosen Joy.".
domingo, dezembro 28, 2014
Duas pernas.
É tentador ... a cada vez que a gente coloca os olhos nas nossas pernas e abre os ouvidos. Sim, infelizmente o ouvido ouve muito bem a balançar do mundo, balanço agitado, apertado, aquele vermelho que te persegue em em sintonia afobada. A alma sente também o som. Não sei se melhor seria se não ouvisse... porque saber que este som coloca o teu coração sobre um prato frio?
Por um lado o coração é silenciosamente removido, por outro, não se dança.. Será que o som que Pitagoras outrora escutou foi de longa data esquecida?
________________________________________________
"Porque eles sorriem?" eu pergunto as minhas pernas.
"Tolo! O que fazes aí imprudente! Não ouvistes o que foi dito aos antigos? O décimo primeiro: 'Não confiarás!' porém tu achas que vais achar um filho de Adão ou uma filha de Eva em meio ao mundo? Não sabes que pernas dançam conforme a dança deste mundo e se assopram conforme as potestades?" as pernas falam.
Continuei olhando. Nem sequer levantei os olhos para ver se havia sorriso nas suas faces, mas por algum motivo eu via os sorrisos sem alegria.
"Desgraçado! Amaldiçoado fostes quando te tornastes queixo caido! Ou achas que estes agouros te vem pelo muito andar?" continuaram as minhas pernas.
As minhas pernas se lembraram de algo de longa data esquecida. Fazia perfeito sentido! Acaso o skywalker em mim não é o mesmo sinal de águia visto em minha infância?
...
Não aguentei o silencio e respondi, sem saber se era eu ou profeta: "Tens razão! Porque me orgulhava de ser o queixo caído? Sabedoria havia naquela criança! Muito antes de compreender os significados de 'o teu desejo será contra ti' alí te tornastes o queixo caído. Como um profeta destemido previstes a a tua própria maldição! Melhor seria se nunca tivesse visto o teu agouro, ou por acaso está enganado aquele que diz 'com o muito saber vem o muito enfado'? Deves decidir, ou não o saber ou o não entregar! Mas pela tua decisão escolhestes a maldição!".
Levantei a cabeça, vi livros, homens e mulheres buscando aquilo que não sacia. A dança do mundo continuava e eu ... só olhava.
Por um lado o coração é silenciosamente removido, por outro, não se dança.. Será que o som que Pitagoras outrora escutou foi de longa data esquecida?
________________________________________________
"Porque eles sorriem?" eu pergunto as minhas pernas.
"Tolo! O que fazes aí imprudente! Não ouvistes o que foi dito aos antigos? O décimo primeiro: 'Não confiarás!' porém tu achas que vais achar um filho de Adão ou uma filha de Eva em meio ao mundo? Não sabes que pernas dançam conforme a dança deste mundo e se assopram conforme as potestades?" as pernas falam.
Continuei olhando. Nem sequer levantei os olhos para ver se havia sorriso nas suas faces, mas por algum motivo eu via os sorrisos sem alegria.
"Desgraçado! Amaldiçoado fostes quando te tornastes queixo caido! Ou achas que estes agouros te vem pelo muito andar?" continuaram as minhas pernas.
As minhas pernas se lembraram de algo de longa data esquecida. Fazia perfeito sentido! Acaso o skywalker em mim não é o mesmo sinal de águia visto em minha infância?
...
Não aguentei o silencio e respondi, sem saber se era eu ou profeta: "Tens razão! Porque me orgulhava de ser o queixo caído? Sabedoria havia naquela criança! Muito antes de compreender os significados de 'o teu desejo será contra ti' alí te tornastes o queixo caído. Como um profeta destemido previstes a a tua própria maldição! Melhor seria se nunca tivesse visto o teu agouro, ou por acaso está enganado aquele que diz 'com o muito saber vem o muito enfado'? Deves decidir, ou não o saber ou o não entregar! Mas pela tua decisão escolhestes a maldição!".
Levantei a cabeça, vi livros, homens e mulheres buscando aquilo que não sacia. A dança do mundo continuava e eu ... só olhava.
domingo, dezembro 21, 2014
Dreams at the Shelter
// I just found my notes on three dreams I had on the night of the 10th to the 11th of October while I was volunteering at the Shelter, this is the account:
First movement. "I dreamed that I was given the explanation of the meaning of the word Hallelujah (הַלְּלוּיָהּ or ἀλληλούϊα). In my dream, although I cannot recall how the explanation came to me, I was told that Hallelujah is an acronym that contains itself. It is a word of worship that (as a self referent acronym) propagates in an infinite fractal of self referent and out going praise to the God almighty."
Second movement. "The enigma of the numbers from 1 to 100 (*which I will explain bellow) with answers 7, 5 and 1 teach the relation between honesty and efficiency, and also how distorted intentions put you in a privileged position, although distorted position full of vanity."
Third movement. "Twice baptized, once for God and once for man."
// On my notes I also wrote to myself to not forget to write about my constant feeling of non-belonging and being not-welcome coexisting with a feeling of belovedness and kindness. I wrote that I ought to write the connection between these feelings and the storm in the ocean that God has control. Sadly I do not remember the things I intended to write back then...
//* On the enigma of the numbers from 1 to 100, please refer to the preface of this work (my masters dissertation) . There are three possible assumptions to the problem, the first assumes that to all questions made, the answer-er will have a direct answer (yes or no), the second possibility of assumptions (that is a little bit more humbling) assumes that it may not be possible to obtain the answer. Between these two possibilities the more humbling actually reaches truth faster (5 questions as opposed to 7)! This is a powerful lesson, honesty(towards our incapacity to answer all questions) and efficiency are correlated in a positive way, the more honest you are towards your incapacity to answer questions the faster you reach the correct answer. The last possibility of assumptions is that the one asking questions is not interested in the truth, but only in "being correct", this puts him in a very comfortable position in which as demonstrated, he needs only 1 question to reach his goal, the lesson however shows that for this possibility, no matter how many times he repeats this procedure, he will remain not knowing the true answer.
First movement. "I dreamed that I was given the explanation of the meaning of the word Hallelujah (הַלְּלוּיָהּ or ἀλληλούϊα). In my dream, although I cannot recall how the explanation came to me, I was told that Hallelujah is an acronym that contains itself. It is a word of worship that (as a self referent acronym) propagates in an infinite fractal of self referent and out going praise to the God almighty."
Second movement. "The enigma of the numbers from 1 to 100 (*which I will explain bellow) with answers 7, 5 and 1 teach the relation between honesty and efficiency, and also how distorted intentions put you in a privileged position, although distorted position full of vanity."
Third movement. "Twice baptized, once for God and once for man."
// On my notes I also wrote to myself to not forget to write about my constant feeling of non-belonging and being not-welcome coexisting with a feeling of belovedness and kindness. I wrote that I ought to write the connection between these feelings and the storm in the ocean that God has control. Sadly I do not remember the things I intended to write back then...
//* On the enigma of the numbers from 1 to 100, please refer to the preface of this work (my masters dissertation) . There are three possible assumptions to the problem, the first assumes that to all questions made, the answer-er will have a direct answer (yes or no), the second possibility of assumptions (that is a little bit more humbling) assumes that it may not be possible to obtain the answer. Between these two possibilities the more humbling actually reaches truth faster (5 questions as opposed to 7)! This is a powerful lesson, honesty(towards our incapacity to answer all questions) and efficiency are correlated in a positive way, the more honest you are towards your incapacity to answer questions the faster you reach the correct answer. The last possibility of assumptions is that the one asking questions is not interested in the truth, but only in "being correct", this puts him in a very comfortable position in which as demonstrated, he needs only 1 question to reach his goal, the lesson however shows that for this possibility, no matter how many times he repeats this procedure, he will remain not knowing the true answer.
sábado, dezembro 13, 2014
Flesh and Blood
This morning I woke up with a feeling of death. In fact I had a post ready for when I'd come back from service. It would be:
[Flesh says to the man that carries him: You have no where to hide.]
______________________________________________________
A miracle a day.
I went to church with this feeling of death, my morning prayer before service was "Father, free me from this body of death." When I tried to pray at home it felt that I was a corpse uttering meaningless and hopeless words to the air surrounding me. It was hopeless, meaningless and lifeless. Had I still a ghost in this shell?
Although this corpse felt nothing like it, I remembered the phrase "whoso eateth my flesh, and drinketh my blood, hath eternal life"; and it echoed in my mind over and over. I really craved to feel that life that seemed so distant from the rotting body that followed me, do I have anywhere to hide?
I was determined that I would ask pastor Phill to break the bread with me and drink the wine of the holy supper that I may feel alive again (I write this in tears).
In the corner of the church (after I arrived) I opened the word in John 6 and reread the Son of Man promising life to all who come to Him. His words echoed in my mind even stronger (Please read here.)
...
The pastor begins the service with the following words: "we are here, people of flesh and blood". He followed by announcing the death of a close friend to the community and the coming a new born.
It was to much for me! My heart pounded inside the corpse. Whatever was happening I urged for it to stop inside. Could there be more of this battle within me. Death and life where before me, or should I say Death and no life?
"Let us read Psalm 30" Said the pastor. And I opened it, it said:
"O Lord my God, I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me. O lord, thou hast brought my soul from the grave (...) sing unto the Lord"
That was it! It was me crying out to God, and He heard my cry! He had mercy on the rotten corpse that cried for mercy, begging for life. Sing unto the Lord!
The message that followed was just more and more hammering, sawing, gluing together the body that I carried to the congregation.
"The dead in Christ will rise first" 1 Thes. 4.16-17
"Comfort your hearts and establish you in every good word and work" 2 Thes. 4.1-3
"to give you who are troubled rest with us when the Lord Jesus is revealed" 2 Thes. 1.6-10
These where some of the words that where shared during the service, and it went on and on. But what I longed for, still hadn't come. God had heard my voice from the grave, so would I receive life again?
__________________________________________________
The supper. At last the pastor read I Corinthians chapter 11 from verse 23 on.
I truly didn't expect it. I was expecting to ask for it after service, but there it was a true gift from heaven. I ate the bread and I drank the wine [Finally!]. Like Moses ate and drank from Melchisedek, like the apostles in the last supper receiving from Yeshua himself, like so many before me. I was at the Lords table, not dead any more, but full of life! I could breath, and see, hope again took over me, God truly heard my cry (with and without tears)
In obedience I will therefore sing to the Lord, I will comfort my brothers and sisters that feel in death, I will proclaim that "we should be holy and without blame before Him in LOVE" for "He chose us in him before the foundation of the world" Eph. 1.3-6. Please let us live in the fullness of his promise, and brothers, help me also do so in accordance to this life that He has given unto us.
quinta-feira, dezembro 11, 2014
Where there is knowledge, it will pass away ...
I kept asking myself if my understanding was fit, suitable and correct... all these things I (or we) accumulate had to some how make sense and beautifully fold into a origami to be admired and folded into my pocket. The truth is that instead it sometimes seems that I have this huge luggage of self contained human-built arrogantly convenient knowledge (or should I say information?). It is one of those fractal-like structures that may seem beautiful in a each of its parts but the whole... blarg! It couldn't be more disgusting.
I couldn't take it out of my head that the little light I had in me was telling me that my path had to go through the narrow gate of truth and the cloud of confusing ideas that was following above me some how felt like it could maybe prevent me from going through! That's why I was painfully trying to fold these ideas into this perfect origami. Maybe if I had it in my pocket all would go well!? Ahhh.. it was really frustrating, because honesty only showed me how far from the fordable, organized, clean origami my (our) knowledge is.
The time was ending and as the gate drew nearer I got to my knees like the people before and after me. There where others going with me at this point. As the line reached my turn I crawled in as the cloud stayed behind.. it wasn't me that got stuck behind, but it was my knowledge that stormy cloud of ideas that was cut of going through.
I am the one going through the gate, not my alleged knowledge. My knowledge.. well, He isn't interested in it.. it will pass away.
I couldn't take it out of my head that the little light I had in me was telling me that my path had to go through the narrow gate of truth and the cloud of confusing ideas that was following above me some how felt like it could maybe prevent me from going through! That's why I was painfully trying to fold these ideas into this perfect origami. Maybe if I had it in my pocket all would go well!? Ahhh.. it was really frustrating, because honesty only showed me how far from the fordable, organized, clean origami my (our) knowledge is.
The time was ending and as the gate drew nearer I got to my knees like the people before and after me. There where others going with me at this point. As the line reached my turn I crawled in as the cloud stayed behind.. it wasn't me that got stuck behind, but it was my knowledge that stormy cloud of ideas that was cut of going through.
I am the one going through the gate, not my alleged knowledge. My knowledge.. well, He isn't interested in it.. it will pass away.
terça-feira, novembro 11, 2014
The thoughts that preceded my own
Another dream recorded in audio :)
Although the dream is very good, I always sound drunk or stupid in audio recordings, hueeuh! Enjoy!
Although the dream is very good, I always sound drunk or stupid in audio recordings, hueeuh! Enjoy!
sábado, novembro 08, 2014
Planned path
I have some good reasons to write this experience, I'll start by stating them before I actually explain the dream: I've always believed I had this dream written down on some old Anadorian post, but as I was searching for it today to share it with a friend I noticed that it simply wasn't there. This is a good enough reason to dedicate this time to doing so, but what is the most impressive is that I believe that this dream/experience, more than the ones that I entitled "Teomatemática" (theomathematics) or "De volta para casa"(homewards), has the most incontestable personal experience of divine nature that I had the privilege to live. Objectively speaking, if I where to deny the existence of God, I would have to deny that I lived this experience and give it an explanation of self delusion (etc.) which of course I cannot do, for I remember this experience with strong sense of reality. If that wasn't enough, following this dream/experience a series of subsequent confirmatory facts followed in my life that also make it even harder for me to deny the veracity of the experience and also its divine origin and explanation.
As much as I don't believe that personal testimony is the cabal demonstration of the veracity of ones faith, I do believe that faith, in order to be true, must have observable relevant consequences. You could put it this way: "if God exists and is relevant (=>) there must be an observable consequence"; it is not true however that "if there is any observable evidence of God (a personal experience for example) there must exist (=>) a relevant God". Evidence is always only evidence.
These things being said, I describe the experience:
Event that occurred during the first trimester of 2008, Resende, Rio de Janeiro - Brazil.
By that time I was in the Brazilian Military Academy. I was preparing myself for higher level of training to become an officer in the AMAN, short for "Academia Militar das Agulhas Negras" (equivalent to the American West Point); during the previous year I studied in a military preparatory school where I got my basic training before I proceeded to officer training. Although I enjoyed allot the military training I also missed studying math like I studied in high-school. The military life schedule also wasn't so attractive as I wished.. I was in a decision-making period of my life; I needed to decide if I wanted to proceed in the (guaranteed) military career or to backup one year and restart my (uncertain) studies in a normal university.
I was really divided.. I didn't quite know what I would prefer and the more I thought about it the more divided I became, for I didn't want to quit on the exciting military camps, mountain climbing, challenges every day! But on the same time the lack of control over my own schedule and my will to go back to math was really a drawback. What to do?
I didn't know the answer so I gave the decision in prayer. Basically what I did was a test, I told G-d that I wanted Him to choose for me. I told the Lord that I would take the admittance exams to the state university, and if I was called for the first semester I would leave the army, if I was called for the second semester then I would stay and do my career as an officer. It was a life long commitment that would be made on basis of this decision, on this prayer, but I kept faithful towards it. I must say that I had more to the prayer that I'll explain later.
I took the exams and kept on with my normal military life until the time of the results came. The results would come up any time during the "adaptation period" of the academy. The adaptation period is a one to two month period of reception of the new military students in the AMAN, it is probably one of the toughest times of the entire military training. It is tough because the instructors and the older students put all newcomers to their limit to test their endurance and discipline. I was there and I survived the entire period sleeping less than 4 hours a day with nonstop activities.
One of those days I received a sms from my father saying "You where approved in the university exams, 3rd position of the 2nd semester, Joshua your friend is in 4th of the 2nd semester.".
The message didn't quite answer my prayer yet.. I had prayed for first semester or no deal. So to be faithful to what I had prayed the answer would be "go to university" only if at least 3 students from the first semester quit, and this way I would be called. I decided to stay for the entire adaptation period in the academy despite the hardship to understand what exactly did "3rd position of the 2nd semester" mean in this context of prayer and answer. Day by day my heart was coming to peace with the matter and I understood that people would give up in order that I would be called, and at the last day of adaptation period I was certain of it!
I was still praying.
On the last night before I asked to leave the academy I had a dream. In the dream I saw my instructor, the lieutenant of my platoon, entering my apartment with another lieutenant to do a routine inspection the apartment. When he entered I immediately presented myself to him " Leutenent, this is cadet Ivo David, I wish to leave the army". Still in my dream he looked me in the eye and responded with "Ivo David, you aren't the first one to ask to leave; cadet Daniel from the 5th platoon asked this morning before you." and the dream vanished.
The next morning what wasn't to my surprise was that the lieutenant came with another lieutenant to do the routine inspection of the apartment and that I presented myself with the same words. Now what was a strong surprise was that the lieutenant answered me with the exact same words from my dream "Ivo David, you aren't the first one to ask to leave; cadet Daniel from the 5th platoon asked this morning before you.". The lieutenant left without further notice, while I sat on my bed to understand that my dream had just happened exactly how I had seen it. I have to mention that I had never even heard before of cadet Daniel from the 5th platoon.. when I met him, although I might have shared the dream and experience to the other cadets in my apartment, he was the only person in the academy that I actually remember sharing the dream to.
With this dream I knew that my prayers where being answered from above and that I could trust that the things to come where being carefully planned from G-d.
The following days, I prepared my moving out of the military facility and my moving into my new university; I did this because I was sure that I would be called to the first semester that would begin in less than a month. Believe it or not, but there where exactly 3 students from the 1st semester to quit, and I was called for the first semester and my friend Joshua stayed at home waiting; he ended up only going to university on the second semester. This once again confirmed my sense of peace that G-d was giving me about the decision.
One thing that I didn't mention about my prayers was that I prayed also that, in case I left the army, I wouldn't have the feeling that I lost 1 year of my live in the army. I prayed like this, kind of expecting G-d to help me not look back on that one year as a wrong turn in my history, I didn't really expect G-d to make any thing different in practice only in my own understanding. To my surprise though, He also answered this prayer, but in a very practical way. Not only do I look back to my military experience as a great time of my life but I actually was only able to do my masters degree simultaneously with undergraduate studies because of my 1 year in the army. I'll explain.
During my first year of university the Brazilian government made a program to increase the level of mathematical education in Brazilian public institutions. For that they opened, among other things, a program that allowed undergraduate students with a high performance in Mathematics Olympics to course a masters program during their undergraduate studies. I was one of these students, and in fact the first non-mathematician to complete the course in my university. Guess where I achieved my math Olympics high performance? Yes, in my one year in the army. So instead of looking back to that one year as a lost time, I actually gained 2 years because of the math Olympics that I only took part of because I was in the army.
As much as I don't believe that personal testimony is the cabal demonstration of the veracity of ones faith, I do believe that faith, in order to be true, must have observable relevant consequences. You could put it this way: "if God exists and is relevant (=>) there must be an observable consequence"; it is not true however that "if there is any observable evidence of God (a personal experience for example) there must exist (=>) a relevant God". Evidence is always only evidence.
These things being said, I describe the experience:
_______________________________________________________________________
Event that occurred during the first trimester of 2008, Resende, Rio de Janeiro - Brazil.
By that time I was in the Brazilian Military Academy. I was preparing myself for higher level of training to become an officer in the AMAN, short for "Academia Militar das Agulhas Negras" (equivalent to the American West Point); during the previous year I studied in a military preparatory school where I got my basic training before I proceeded to officer training. Although I enjoyed allot the military training I also missed studying math like I studied in high-school. The military life schedule also wasn't so attractive as I wished.. I was in a decision-making period of my life; I needed to decide if I wanted to proceed in the (guaranteed) military career or to backup one year and restart my (uncertain) studies in a normal university.
I was really divided.. I didn't quite know what I would prefer and the more I thought about it the more divided I became, for I didn't want to quit on the exciting military camps, mountain climbing, challenges every day! But on the same time the lack of control over my own schedule and my will to go back to math was really a drawback. What to do?
I didn't know the answer so I gave the decision in prayer. Basically what I did was a test, I told G-d that I wanted Him to choose for me. I told the Lord that I would take the admittance exams to the state university, and if I was called for the first semester I would leave the army, if I was called for the second semester then I would stay and do my career as an officer. It was a life long commitment that would be made on basis of this decision, on this prayer, but I kept faithful towards it. I must say that I had more to the prayer that I'll explain later.
I took the exams and kept on with my normal military life until the time of the results came. The results would come up any time during the "adaptation period" of the academy. The adaptation period is a one to two month period of reception of the new military students in the AMAN, it is probably one of the toughest times of the entire military training. It is tough because the instructors and the older students put all newcomers to their limit to test their endurance and discipline. I was there and I survived the entire period sleeping less than 4 hours a day with nonstop activities.
One of those days I received a sms from my father saying "You where approved in the university exams, 3rd position of the 2nd semester, Joshua your friend is in 4th of the 2nd semester.".
The message didn't quite answer my prayer yet.. I had prayed for first semester or no deal. So to be faithful to what I had prayed the answer would be "go to university" only if at least 3 students from the first semester quit, and this way I would be called. I decided to stay for the entire adaptation period in the academy despite the hardship to understand what exactly did "3rd position of the 2nd semester" mean in this context of prayer and answer. Day by day my heart was coming to peace with the matter and I understood that people would give up in order that I would be called, and at the last day of adaptation period I was certain of it!
I was still praying.
On the last night before I asked to leave the academy I had a dream. In the dream I saw my instructor, the lieutenant of my platoon, entering my apartment with another lieutenant to do a routine inspection the apartment. When he entered I immediately presented myself to him " Leutenent, this is cadet Ivo David, I wish to leave the army". Still in my dream he looked me in the eye and responded with "Ivo David, you aren't the first one to ask to leave; cadet Daniel from the 5th platoon asked this morning before you." and the dream vanished.
The next morning what wasn't to my surprise was that the lieutenant came with another lieutenant to do the routine inspection of the apartment and that I presented myself with the same words. Now what was a strong surprise was that the lieutenant answered me with the exact same words from my dream "Ivo David, you aren't the first one to ask to leave; cadet Daniel from the 5th platoon asked this morning before you.". The lieutenant left without further notice, while I sat on my bed to understand that my dream had just happened exactly how I had seen it. I have to mention that I had never even heard before of cadet Daniel from the 5th platoon.. when I met him, although I might have shared the dream and experience to the other cadets in my apartment, he was the only person in the academy that I actually remember sharing the dream to.
With this dream I knew that my prayers where being answered from above and that I could trust that the things to come where being carefully planned from G-d.
The following days, I prepared my moving out of the military facility and my moving into my new university; I did this because I was sure that I would be called to the first semester that would begin in less than a month. Believe it or not, but there where exactly 3 students from the 1st semester to quit, and I was called for the first semester and my friend Joshua stayed at home waiting; he ended up only going to university on the second semester. This once again confirmed my sense of peace that G-d was giving me about the decision.
One thing that I didn't mention about my prayers was that I prayed also that, in case I left the army, I wouldn't have the feeling that I lost 1 year of my live in the army. I prayed like this, kind of expecting G-d to help me not look back on that one year as a wrong turn in my history, I didn't really expect G-d to make any thing different in practice only in my own understanding. To my surprise though, He also answered this prayer, but in a very practical way. Not only do I look back to my military experience as a great time of my life but I actually was only able to do my masters degree simultaneously with undergraduate studies because of my 1 year in the army. I'll explain.
During my first year of university the Brazilian government made a program to increase the level of mathematical education in Brazilian public institutions. For that they opened, among other things, a program that allowed undergraduate students with a high performance in Mathematics Olympics to course a masters program during their undergraduate studies. I was one of these students, and in fact the first non-mathematician to complete the course in my university. Guess where I achieved my math Olympics high performance? Yes, in my one year in the army. So instead of looking back to that one year as a lost time, I actually gained 2 years because of the math Olympics that I only took part of because I was in the army.
quinta-feira, setembro 25, 2014
What we should be thinking about.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable —if anything is excellent or praiseworthy —think about such things. [Philippians 4:8]
quarta-feira, setembro 24, 2014
quarta-feira, setembro 10, 2014
Estudando por caminhos opostos
Vou seguir o exemplo do meu amigo Blaise Pascal:
Lembrar de escrever sobre o quão impressionante que caminhos opostos estejam caminhando no mesmo sentido [Sim, isso soa muito estranho]. Também falar sobre, além das similaridades, sobre as ferramentas disponíveis em nossas mãos devidos a estes esforços opostos; estas nos trazem uma beleza e diversidade de recursos que nos chama à responsabilidade de decisão e julgamento pessoal a um nível que ficamos ainda mais despidos de desculpas.Neste quesito tenho que concordar com שלמה [Salomão] "Porque na muita sabedoria há muito enfado" Eclesiastes 1:18. Digo isso pois encontrei duas fontes impressionantes para meditação pessoal, cada uma caminha em um sentido, porém ambas nos trazem ferramentas para julgar a mesma realidade com os mesmos[?] critérios. Existe algém capaz de iluminar este vasto universo?
[Abaixo estão as imagens das ferramentas que citei e que valem apena serem estudadas!]
Pois a ferramenta em si tem muito menos valor do que a obra que é feita com ela [nossa vida].
Fonte:
http://bibviz.com/
http://www.sefaria.org/explore
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