"Ribs and Terrors in the Whale"

One could barely hear their whispering: ‘Jack, he’s robbed a widow;’ and ‘Joe, do you mark him; he’s a bigamist;’ or, ‘Harry lad, I guess he’s the adulterer that broke jail in old Gomorrah, or belike, one of the missing murderers from Sodom.’..

How plainly he's a fugitive! no baggage, not a hatbox, valise, or carpet-bag,—no friends to accompany him to the decks...

//Adapted from the book of the whale ch. 9

I've been there like the prophet before me.. you know, I thought I could buy the ticket and zarp off to Cadiz. I think I still do sometimes.. though not like him I might be more of a coward than of whatever he is.

Lend me your judgement if I may, who is the worst? One who goes to the port, buys the ticket and flees to Tarshish? Or one who hides from men's faces [and fine ladies] at the port and returns to the false comfort of his bed?

Don't tell me your answer [your fine judgement]... Thank you very much sir! I can live without it, for I know where your answer comes from I know your pocket is empty and that your mouth speaks of things your hand do not do! Argggg...

He has confirmed my understanding and feels my pain, though his mouth... arggg... once again there is no discussing with You! There is always a beautiful ending although corrupted paths seem to be forgiven and unanswered. Ill shut up ...

...

Then a voice said to me in my anguish. He says: "Filthy filthy! You are as pigs in my holy crib. Shout oh prophet! Lift up your voice and proclaim of the sins they have committed! And you my prophet, you must repent before me and bring me gift offerings and offerings of gratitude."

I say [though I hate the words that come out of my mouth]: "Damn you. My soul has lusted, my heart has received the fine linen and has invited Babylon [the whore] to visit me. You though have hardened her heart to repentance and hardened my hands that there shall be no pleasure in my sin and no path for my corruption." and continued "You have shown them left and right through me, yet my hands know not anymore the certainties of my childhood.".

He says: "This is a city of worship and I declare it Holy by the works of My hands. You shall not defile it and neither shall they have pleasure in their wrong doings. You oh prophet take your place and keep it Holy. Have I not given it to you? Can you not see the works of my hands? How can you doubt that if I give reason to dogs can I not give happiness to the saint that I have kept in my hands?".

I say: "I look forwards and I don't see the promises, I look backwards [like Lot's wife] but there is nothing there. The ports are empty, Cadis is no more, and the prophet [that came before me] has repented to sanctify what I wished profane... you have promised me greater things that my eyes do not see and my heart feels no pleasure in. Where is the happiness of the Holy one? Is the prophet [that came before me] pleased? or has he not also mourned at your good works?"

In the mists of my sins he said and did not tire to lift his voice: "You shall not have pleasure in things that do not satisfy. I have made for you a bed and a path through my Holy law, and it shall not depart from you even in your stubbornness [I have written it in your heart where you cannot reach]. You may look at me and be glad or look astray and pain in that which is not Holy. Behold, thus I say and will not repent. For the prophet that came before you has payed his lot[in suffering] though I offered him gladness, will I not give you of the same cup? I lay before you songs of happiness and you do not dance, do not wish for the songs of mourning for your lord has chosen Joy.".