Conversations in the Dark

// This is a partial account of a recent conversation I had with two faithful Christians living as aliens here in the land of Israel. My name is not changed, but those here mentioned are changed so that their private identities may be protected. I tried to be the most faithful to what was talked.. just noticed on how hard it must have been for the writes of the Gospels to be faithful to what they saw and experienced. It was a long  (maybe 2 hours) conversation and I had to choose the important topics that we talked about to condense it into a readable account. I am partially to blame that the conversation has a dark tone; I guess this is how I saw and interpreted the conversation though I had no intentions to distort the general mood of the talk.

// I asked both Laura and Isaac to comment on this conversation before I shared it. Laura's response was very positive with a 'great memory' comment followed by a more detailed explanation on what she meant by body of Christ; I've added to end of the post her response about the issue. Isaac's response was more like 'your memory darkened the tone of the conversation'. Though he doesn't deny that the account was faithful, he would probably add comments he made made during the missing parts of the conversation and also about positive experiences he had in the church here in Israel to defend a more hopeful view of his time here. I've also added at the end what I understood of a conversation we had after he read this text.

PART 1 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Laura: "David, have you been going to the Bible study?"
David: "No..."
Laura: "Neither have I. Are you OK?"
David: "Well.. I haven't been able to connect to church. It's a long story, but I guess the way things are conducted in the Bible study are just a reflection of the things I don't agree in the church. In the church everything seems to be about messianic this messianic that, if you are a Jew you are in, invited to all activities, if not... unless you are here to reach out for them, don't count yourself in."
Laura: "It seems to be the same thing in the catholic community.. even among the Brazilians that come to serve here they seem to have no interest in me or any other non-Arab believer in Israel."
David:" I hate this.. the church here seems to revolve around the whole Arab-Jewish dichotomy, there is nothing in between. Unfortunately I don't know what to do anymore.. actually it's not only me, I've been talking to Isaac almost every week about this and it seems that all the internationals are in some level bothered with this. You, me, Isaac, John, Michael... you name it. Ask me how many of us have been invited to have a meal at a family house after a year attending church?"
Laura: "I share the exact same feeling with the local catholic community here. Do you believe they had a Brazilian party and didn't invite me?! You know what, Isaac should join us in this conversation…"
David: "Isaac!" he says and waves "Come, join us in this conversation; we have already discussed a million times about this.. how to connect to church.. the Bible study…"
Laura: "You should join us!"
David: "Yes, Isaac, maybe this time we can come up with something."
Isaac: "No... we never come up with anything. I'm tired of this already.."
Laura: "Come on Isaac, we need your presence in this."
Isaac: "No no, I'm happy with how things are, I need to go to my office."
David: "Ya sure... you are happy. You already forgot about the account about last Sabbath? You are certainly not being successful in whatever your goal is in church."
Isaac: "I said nothing about success. What I feel is that I serve the church with my best, working, serving and being available, but I receive back a second, third class treatment. The whole thing about last week is just that, the youth was gathered and they ignored me I came bye to wave at them...
and nothing. I am doing my part, that is enough... and about the Bible study…"
Laura: "You should have seen the reaction on our dear Alfred's face when we talked about the Bible study. Pfffff…."
David: "That doesn't sound anything like you are satisfied Isaac. I'm sorry, but that is plain wrong. I don't know what is your purpose in going to church, but for me you can have the best preaching in the world that that won't fulfill its purpose. No, wait! What do you think the purpose is in going to church?"
Isaac: "It is written 'do not forsake the fellowship of the saints' and what you are doing David is not obeying this commandment. You have to come back to church.. I'm tired of saying it to you. For me I just keep believing in the promise that the gates of Hades will not prevail to the church of the Lord.
That’s it…"
David: "Laura? What do you think the purpose is?"
Laura: "If the body of Christ is not present, then the church is empty. It's not the preaching inside four walls that makes it alive, it is the communion with the body of Christ."
David: "You mean through the holly supper right?"
Laura: "Yes, that is the body of Christ"
David: "I think I agree more with you Laura, than with Isaac. But I think the communion with the body of Christ through the holly supper is empty if there is no communion with the body of Christ in the sense of the people that make his church. I prefer a church that has a weak preaching and even a
strange theology about the holly supper than one that has no communion and love among the members.."

PART 2 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
David: "What do you mean that you don't know what happened after the prodigal son came back?"
Isaac: "It wasn't writen.." he said nodding his head "there is no way to know"
David: "I will tell you the continuation, I know how it goes..." he insisted "listen, I will tell the story, and if you don't want to believe in it, you don't need to"
Isaac: "OK" he agreed unwillingly as Laura looked without understanding
David continued: "...the prodigal son came back and was accepted at home with joy by his father. Years pass and the father dies, the eldest son takes charge of the household, he enslaves the servants and kicks away the youngest son... it's not written there, I know... it's simple to see it though, all
you have to do is look at the church. Is this not what is happening?"
Isaac sadly agrees, Laura even more in pain finds no words to disagree either.
David: "If this was not the case of what happens in the household, then why don't people like Angela, full of tattoos, with a sexually immoral life, aren't in the church? These people can't even enter a church without being judged from top to bottom.. come on, I feel bad with the way people look at each other in church!"
Isaac "OK David, I agree with you... you are right on how the story goes, I can't deny it.. but you are missing the whole mystical nature of it. The mystery of the resurrection! Does not the father resurrect latter to fix all that is wrong into right? The real question is what plot in this story do you want
to take part of? Do you want to be the part of the eldest sons that are fighting against the corruption inside the church or the ones that are corrupting it?"
David: "I am not an eldest son. I am the younger one."
Isaac nods disagreeing.
Laura: "But David! We were all raised up in the church! None of us can call ourselves prodigal sons."
David: "That is where I disagree. The true body of Christ is made of younger sons not elder ones."
Isaac: "No, but why? We are kept in the womb of the church from birth, you can't say that."
David: "We are all sinners departed from God Isaac. That's where we start, not inside the church."
Isaac: "I still think we are called to serve like the eldest son, even if unwillingly. But at the end we are all invited to the same celebration..."
David: "Who received the biggest part? The eldest or the youngest?"
Laura: "The eldest of course! He never spent his inheritance, all that belonged to the father was his!"
David: "Isaac, what do you say? Who received the biggest part?"
Isaac: "I know where you want to go with this... I still think that the right question is what God wants us to do."
David: "OK, you don't need to answer my question.. its fine, but I will nevertheless tell my answer. Who received the biggest part? The servant that was forgiven the biggest or the smallest debt? It is the same question for me.. come on you know the answer to that." David insisted
Isaac: "The youngest receives more forgiveness but the eldest more inheritance"
David: "The eldest receives no inheritance Isaac! Not until he recognizes that the true inheritance that can't be taken away from him is the title of son! It's not about the farm or the house. It's about being a son!"
Laura: "But David, we can't really tell what happened after the youngest son came back ..."

PART 3 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Laura: "We have to do something. Guys.. any idea?"
David: "I can't take the responsibility to start something all over again.. Isaac knows the stories I've gone through.. I'm not in a spiritual position to be an example for anyone"
Isaac: "No one is asking that of you David, no one will have you as an example for our faith"
David: "You say that but you, Laura and John came talk to me about the things that aren't right in the Bible study and in the church... didn't you say once 'David, you are our leader.. you cant abandon the cause'?"
Isaac: "That is different.. and Laura, I feel that God is telling me to just keep doing what I am doing.. slowly but steadily once a month.. our prayer meetings... you never know if it will bring any results"
David: "What we do here on campus isn't the matter... we can open a new church here on campus and we still will feel disconnected to the body in Israel. We will go back home after years here and say 'we have made brothers in India, Brazil and US but we have seen no believers in Israel'...
that would be a shame. We... "
Laura: "Yea, I agree with David. And from what we have talked, the same problems that you are describing in the evangelical church are happening in the catholic church. I feel this even with the Brazilians!"
Isaac: "No matter what you say.. I will keep on going to church. I see no other path to take! What else do you expect from me?"
David: "Wow Isaac, I'm sorry to say man but that was so hopeless... 'no other path to take' is not the same thing as 'the right path to take'."
Isaac: "It is hopeless... I don't see hope, I don't think things will get better in church. If you want to hear about church politics and problems inside church, then we will talk… I've seen back at home pastors bribing and killing because of politics in church... but then, what can I do!? This is all I
have, a small dim light in the corner, let me keep it shining"
Laura looks hopelessly to David and Isaac
David: "This sounds like a post-apocalyptic survival conversation. All of this is wrong…"
Laura: "We have to do something. How about we gather for communion? Just watch a movie or share true communion."
David: "I feel like we have all the tools in our hands to make this happen but it just isn't working."
Laura: "YES! We just need to keep trying."
David "Don't be naive Laura, we've been trying to use these instruments for one year. It doesn't take a year for us to learn these things... we all have experience in leading church activities. And it's not like we haven’t been gathering!"
Laura: "Then what!?"
David: "We aren't using the tools properly because people are taking them from our hands."
Laura: "That is a harsh thing to say David.. who would be doing this to us?"
David: "We are in a spiritual war Laura... we can't deny that"
Laura: "Yeeessss.. that is sooo true! Did I tell you about when I was at home? I was cooking and the fire grew so high in a way I never saw before!"
David: "I wasn't even referring to our lives, I was thinking that the front line is failing on our level because it has fallen before us by those that are above us. It feels like doing God's will for the Bible study for example would mean to confront and go against our leadership. We've talked about this before, me and Isaac, right Isaac?"
Isaac: "I don't feel under the leadership that you refer to David. I am praying on how to approach my leader on these issues, but for now I am tired. I will do the same I did before; this won't change what I was doing."



\\ Laura's comment on the body of Christ: "[its not that] the body of Christ is only the Eucharist, as it may have seemed to the reader, though what really motivates me to go to church is essentially the Eucharist, even when I don't take part in the communion, since I believe in the real presence, that is of Jesus in the Shrine, then the best place to pray is with him. That is why I say I go for Him, whatever happens beyond this, with the community are fruits."

\\ What Isaac added in a conversation with me: "what I believe that you missed out in the part that we talked about the prodigal son is that my vision is that what really matters is the will of the father... that's it, if you figure it out, just do the father's will! About my experience in the church I did make one (or maybe more) good friends in church, specifically one of the worship band members. It just seemed that the entirety of my experience in church has been a dark and lonely, you may have heard it this way, but it really wasn't in such a negative way that I said these things."

Sirens in Haifa - Audio recorded in the Technion

So complicated.. why does the middle east... I mean why does this life have to be so difficult!
So many paths that lead to violence and pain so few that lead to love.

Yestermorrow in Ein Carmel

First audio:
Interview with Adam Brill on the word Yestermorrow.
[Improv recorded on a trip from Nazareth to Haifa ;)]

Second audio:
Interview with Nobuya Yamaguchi, a Hang-Pan maker and artist in Ein Carmel Kibbutz.

A Keen Eye and a Fallen Chin

Anh entered into the house with a smile as I finished cleaning the kitchen. "Do you want some chocolate? Anh" I asked him as he stepped inside.
"You don't look ... humm" said Anh with a pause as he looked me in the eyes with his head leaned side-wards with a smile.. "you look grey and dark. What happened?".

What he was unaware of was that I had just posted "Ribs and Terrors in the Whale" on my blog... his keen eyes though observed me as I handed him a big chunk of chocolate. When he said it I wasn't sure how to reply... "joga verde para colher maduro" or "faz de bobo" [meening "play stupid" or "putting an idea to the test"] are two general expressions that describe what I generally chose to do in these awkward situations to verify where the observation comes from. I crossed my legs on the couch and looked him back in his eyes and said "you mean physically or spiritually?".

He sat opposite to me on the other couch always smiling. He took his time as he answered "Spiritually..." another pause "you are not like this, I see it in your face. What happened?".

I couldn't hide it anymore from him, I guess he passed the test as I looked downwards nodding my head confirming "Actually you are right. I'm not good...".

"You have a very keen eye Anh." I added moments latter as I raised my face to his.

"Keen? What is keen?" He asked. "Sharp, precise.. " I explained. "Ohh! What happened? Did you sleep this night?".

...After a long conversation about Jonah and about fighting with God [about doing God's will, prayer and another infinite things] he said "I am sure! I have lived with you for the last 3 months, I am sure that after you come back from church you will be happy!". [I was actually going to the FCSI meeting.].

I smiled already.. took my bike and as I opened the door I felt the humid wind blowing from the rain on my chest. He said: "God is testing you David. That is why it is raining, you have to face the rain to go to the house of God."...                   ..."I am willing ..." I thought to myself as I stepped outside with my God given crocks facing the light rain that would follow me on all the way to the meeting.

// This is the prelude to the changes that God did in my heart this day. Coming to the meeting I felt hope replenished once again. Seeing the Kingdom and its citizens in action. Thank God for his mercies and the miracle of reaching man's heart in the darkness!

// I will obey the Lord and look at him, my joy and my salvation!

Flesh and Blood

This morning I woke up with a feeling of death. In fact I had a post ready for when I'd come back from service. It would be:

[Flesh says to the man that carries him: You have no where to hide.]

______________________________________________________

A miracle a day.

I went to church with this feeling of death, my morning prayer before service was "Father, free me from this body of death." When I tried to pray at home it felt that I was a corpse  uttering meaningless and hopeless words to the air surrounding me. It was hopeless, meaningless and lifeless. Had I still a ghost in this shell?

Although this corpse felt nothing like it, I remembered the phrase "whoso eateth my flesh, and  drinketh my blood, hath eternal life"; and it echoed in my mind over and over. I really craved to feel that life that seemed so distant from the rotting body that followed me, do I have anywhere to hide?

I was determined that I would ask pastor Phill to break the bread with me and drink the wine of the holy supper that I may feel alive again (I write this in tears).

In the corner of the church (after I arrived) I opened the word in John 6 and reread the Son of Man promising life to all who come to Him. His words echoed in my mind even stronger (Please read here.)

...

The pastor begins the service with the following words: "we are here, people of flesh and blood". He followed by announcing the death of a close friend to the community and the coming a new born.

It was to much for me! My heart pounded inside the corpse. Whatever was happening I urged for it to stop inside. Could there be more of this battle within me. Death and life where before me, or should I say Death and no life?

"Let us read Psalm 30" Said the pastor. And I opened it, it said:

 "O Lord my God, I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me. O lord, thou hast brought my soul from the grave (...) sing unto the Lord"

That was it! It was me crying out to God, and He heard my cry! He had mercy on the rotten corpse that cried for mercy, begging for life. Sing unto the Lord!

The message that followed was just more and more hammering, sawing, gluing together the body that I carried to the congregation.

"The dead in Christ will rise first" 1 Thes. 4.16-17
"Comfort your hearts and establish you in every good word and work" 2 Thes. 4.1-3
"to give you who are troubled rest with us when the Lord Jesus is revealed" 2 Thes. 1.6-10

These where some of the words that where shared during the service, and it went on and on. But what I longed for, still hadn't come. God had heard my voice from the grave, so would I receive life again?

__________________________________________________

The supper. At last the pastor read I Corinthians chapter 11 from verse 23 on.

I truly didn't expect it. I was expecting to ask for it after service, but there it was a true gift from heaven. I ate the bread and I drank the wine [Finally!]. Like Moses ate and drank from Melchisedek, like the apostles in the last supper receiving from Yeshua himself, like so many before me. I was at the Lords table, not dead any more, but full of life! I could breath, and see, hope again took over me, God truly heard my cry (with and without tears)

In obedience I will therefore sing to the Lord, I will comfort my brothers and sisters that feel in death, I will proclaim that "we should be holy and without blame before Him in LOVE" for "He chose us in him before the foundation of the world" Eph. 1.3-6. Please let us live in the fullness of his promise, and brothers, help me also do so in accordance to this life that He has given unto us.

Planned path

I have some good reasons to write this experience, I'll start by stating them  before I actually explain the dream: I've always believed I had this dream written down on some old Anadorian post, but as I was searching for it today to share it with a friend I noticed that it simply wasn't there. This is a good enough reason to dedicate this time to doing so, but what is the most impressive is that I believe that this dream/experience, more than the ones that I entitled "Teomatemática" (theomathematics) or "De volta para casa"(homewards), has the most incontestable personal experience of divine nature that I had the privilege to live. Objectively speaking, if I where to deny the existence of God, I would have to deny that I lived this experience and give it an explanation of self delusion (etc.) which of course I cannot do, for I remember this experience with strong sense of reality. If that wasn't enough, following this dream/experience a series of subsequent confirmatory facts followed in my life that also make it even harder for me to deny the veracity of the experience and also its divine origin and explanation.

As much as I don't believe that personal testimony is the cabal demonstration of the veracity of ones faith, I do believe that faith, in order to be true, must have observable relevant consequences. You could put it this way: "if God exists and is relevant (=>) there must be an observable consequence"; it is not true however that "if there is any observable evidence of God (a personal experience for example) there must exist (=>) a relevant God". Evidence is always only evidence.

These things being said, I describe the experience:

_______________________________________________________________________

Event that occurred during the first trimester of 2008, Resende, Rio de Janeiro - Brazil.

By that time I was in the Brazilian Military Academy. I was preparing myself for higher level of training to become an officer in the AMAN, short for "Academia Militar das Agulhas Negras"  (equivalent to the American West Point); during the previous year I studied in a military preparatory school where I got my basic training before I proceeded to officer training. Although I enjoyed allot the military training I also missed studying math like I studied in high-school. The military life schedule also wasn't so attractive as I wished.. I was in a decision-making period of my life; I needed to decide if I wanted to proceed in the (guaranteed) military career or to backup one year and restart my (uncertain) studies in a normal university.

I was really divided.. I didn't quite know what I would prefer and the more I thought about it the more divided I became, for I didn't want to quit on the exciting military camps, mountain climbing, challenges every day! But on the same time the lack of control over my own schedule and my will to go back to math was really a drawback. What to do?

I didn't know the answer so I gave the decision in prayer. Basically what I did was a test, I told G-d that I wanted Him to choose for me. I told the Lord that I would take the admittance exams to the state university, and if I was called for the first semester I would leave the army, if I was called for the second semester then I would stay and do my career as an officer. It was a life long commitment that would be made on basis of this decision, on this prayer, but I kept faithful towards it. I must say that I had more to the prayer that I'll explain later.

I took the exams and kept on with my normal military life until the time of the results came. The results would come up any time during the "adaptation period" of the academy. The adaptation period is a one to two month period of reception of the new military students in the AMAN, it is probably one of the toughest times of the entire military training. It is tough because the instructors and the older students put all newcomers to their limit to test their endurance and discipline. I was there and I survived the entire period sleeping less than 4 hours a day with nonstop activities.

One of those days I received a sms from my father saying "You where approved in the university exams, 3rd position of the 2nd semester, Joshua your friend is in 4th of the 2nd semester.".

The message didn't quite answer my prayer yet.. I had prayed for first semester or no deal. So to be faithful to what I had prayed the answer would be "go to university" only if at least 3 students from the first semester quit, and this way I would be called. I decided to stay for the entire adaptation period in the academy despite the hardship to understand what exactly did "3rd position of the 2nd semester" mean in this context of prayer and answer. Day by day my heart was coming to peace with the matter and I understood that people would give up in order that I would be called, and at the last day of adaptation period I was certain of it!

I was still praying.

On the last night before I asked to leave the academy I had a dream. In the dream I saw my instructor, the lieutenant of my platoon, entering my apartment with another lieutenant to do a routine inspection the apartment. When he entered I immediately presented myself to him " Leutenent, this is cadet Ivo David, I wish to leave the army". Still in my dream he looked me in the eye and responded with "Ivo David, you aren't the first one to ask to leave; cadet Daniel from the 5th platoon asked this morning before you." and the dream vanished.

The next morning what wasn't to my surprise was that the lieutenant came with another lieutenant to do the routine inspection of the apartment and that I presented myself with the same words. Now what was a strong surprise was that the lieutenant answered me with the exact same words from my dream "Ivo David, you aren't the first one to ask to leave; cadet Daniel from the 5th platoon asked this morning before you.". The lieutenant left without further notice, while I sat on my bed to understand that my dream had just happened exactly how I had seen it. I have to mention that I had never even heard before of cadet Daniel from the 5th platoon.. when I met him, although I might have shared the dream and experience to the other cadets in my apartment, he was the only person in the academy that I actually remember sharing the dream to.

With this dream I knew that my prayers where being answered from above and that I could trust that the things to come where being carefully planned from G-d.

The following days, I prepared my moving out of the military facility and my moving into my new university; I did this because I was sure that I would be called to the first semester that would begin in less than a month. Believe it or not, but there where exactly 3 students from the 1st semester to quit, and I was called for the first semester and my friend Joshua stayed at home waiting; he ended up only going to university on the second semester. This once again confirmed my sense of peace that G-d was giving me about the decision.

One thing that I didn't mention about my prayers was that I prayed also that, in case I left the army,  I wouldn't have the feeling that I lost 1 year of my live in the army. I prayed like this, kind of expecting G-d to help me not look back on that one year as a wrong turn in my history, I didn't really expect G-d to make any thing different in practice only in my own understanding. To my surprise though, He  also answered this prayer, but in a very practical way. Not only do I look back to my military experience as a great time of my life but I actually was only able to do my masters degree simultaneously with undergraduate studies because of my 1 year in the army. I'll explain.

During my first year of university the Brazilian government made a program to increase the level of mathematical education in Brazilian public institutions. For that they opened, among other things, a program that allowed undergraduate students with a high performance in Mathematics Olympics to course a masters program during their undergraduate studies. I was one of these students, and in fact the first non-mathematician to complete the course in my university. Guess where I achieved my math Olympics high performance? Yes, in my one year in the army. So instead of looking back to that one year as a lost time, I actually gained 2 years because of the math Olympics that I only took part of because I was in the army.

Leitura Psico-cultural

As sirenes começam a soar... momento bem inconveniente e local ainda pior.

Estava numa cafeteria da universidade estuando fielmente o meu hebraico. A cafeteria tem várias mesas espaçadas para fazer um ambiente de estudo que é preferido por uma grande parte dos alunos, internacionais e locais.

Minha mesa era grande, como a de todo mundo. À minha esquerda tinha uma mesa com quatro israelenses e à minha frente tinham vários internacionais, atrás de mim tantos estudantes que nem me recordo mais. Enfim, a sirene começa a soar!

A minha mente gringa imediatamente salta um pop-up com uma notificação de "Alerta: Sirene = Bombardeio de Mísseis.". Meus olhos imediatamente se voltaram para o celular onde fui rapidamente procurar confirmar a minha notificação interna... nada.

Imediatamente ativei a minha capacidade de leitura de mentes e comecei a escanear os pensamentos das pessoas ao meu redor. A minha frente os internacionais estavam claramente pensando como eu: "aonde está a saída de emergência?", "aonde fica o abrigo anti-bombas?", "porque não encontro nenhuma notícia online?"... Já à minha esquerda, os israelenses claramente não pensavam o mesmo, nenhum nem sequer olhou o celular.. eles pensavam: "nossa que merda de sirene!", "quem foi o babaca que fumou ao lado detector de fumaça?", "será que algum dia vamos ter paz para conseguir estudar?".

Não conformado com meu scanner mental eu me levantei para perguntar aos israelenses para ver se sabiam de que se tratava a sirene..

// Sim, sim, este foi um evento real aqui em Haifa. A sirene parou depois de poucos minutos e provavelmente se tratava de algum mané que apertou algum botão errado ou um bizzonho que fumou no local errado... mas foi bem interessante ver como que (aparentemente) os locais nem sequer tavam ligando com a possibilidade de um bombardeio enquanto que para os internacionais (obviamente) esta foi a primeira reação!

Lamento

Tentei ajudar um amigo que caiu no poço que me encontrei a alguns meses atrás, mas as minhas palavras ao invés de lhe mostra a saída só foram capazes de lhe mostrar o chão...

Eu lamento companheiro.. perdão, pois ao tentar te ajudar a sair daqui, acabei percebendo que eu nem sequer havia encontrado a saída.

Luta Livre & Pirataria Chinesa

Parte I

Parte II

Teomatemática

São Carlos dia 2 de Fevereiro.

Fazia  exatamanente um mes que me encontrava nesta cidade paulista. Um mes de novas amizades, ambientes de estudo e desafios.

Faltavam poucos dias p prova final. A matéria era extensa e o conteúdo nao era fácil, mas estava bem acompanhado... passamos o dia inteiro tentando resolver 4 exercícios... eu abortei antes, com nada feito, minha cabeça estava ruim e precisava fazer uma atividade fisica para conseguir dormir direito.

Enquanto nadava lembrei-me dos vários convites que fiz a Deus para estudar comigo durante aquele verão. Certamente estudar com o autor da sabedoria seria inesquecível.

Em casa fiz um breve lanche, uma leitura e fui logo para a cama. Era 12hs quando apaguei...

Nas noites anteriores eu nao estava conseguindo dormir com tanta facilidade, então meianoite foi um marco mto bom para aquele verão... o que eu num esperava era acordar aquela madrugada; justamente o que aconteceu...

3:00 a.m. Minha cabeça está a mil... não era possível que aquilo estava certo... dos 4 exercícios que tentei resolver a tarde toda dois estavam em minha mente resolvidas. Tenava lutar contra as ideias para esquecê-las mas quem tem domínio sobre o que pensa? Nao conseguia dormir enquanto nao escrevesse aquelas soluções. De fato eram soluções bonitas para os problemas; mas no dia seguinte teria bastante tempo para redigir aquelas ideias com mais lucidês...tentava dormir.

aff... 3:30 a.m. e as ideias ainda fervilhando em minha mente...

3:40 a.m. me levanto, acendo a luz... eu me entregara à força das ideias que me assolavam. Sento na escrivaninha ao lado da cama, afasto o papel embolado que se acumulara ao longo dos dias de estudo e começo a redigir aquilo que ressoava em minha mente.

4:30 a.m. termino de escrever e corrigir as duas soluções...

Estico os braços e as pernas, tomo uma chicara de chá. Pensava comigo "Como q isso me veio a mente?".
Ainda num sabia se era verdade o que acabara de ocorrer... agradeço a Deus por conseguir tirar aquilo da cabeça... será q o sono voltaria?

4:31 a.m. dou conta de que tenho a solução para os outros dois problemas ainda nao resolvidos...aff...
O sono ficaria para outro momento...

5:40 a.m. termino de fazer os outros dois exercícios... reprogramo o despertador para chegar 15 min atrazado na aula..

Despertador toca mas eu acordo horas depois...levanto para almoçar, e a tarde compareço na aulas para tirar dúvidas...

Murilo: "nossa Ivo cê ta com cara de acabado... q q aconteceu com vc?"
...comentários como este que eu encontro ao entra na sala.

Eu me perguntava "será que alguém mais havia resolvido os exercícios quando saí da sala de estudos ontem?". O professor perguntou o mesmo ao romper do silencio... nenhuma mao se levantou.

Eu num era melhor que ninguem alí, aliaz, eu era o engenheiro entre os matemáticos... o unico outro engenheiro que estava entre nós era mto a nossa frente.

Por que me veio aquelas soluçoes a noite?

Será que Deus finalmente acatou o meu convite?

Deus estuda a noite... penso eu,  enquanto eu convidava Ele para estudar comigo, Ele pensou consigo "venha meu filho, venha estudar comigo..." o convite dÊle eu num consegui negar, espero também nao esquecer.

sobre sonhos 3

Eu ja falei q eu acho q sonhos carregam uma carga grande de significado? se nao, pronto, agora ta falado.

Para ler este texto é interressante ler antes os sonhos do dia 18 e 20 de abril. Estes dois tratam de conflitos entre eu e o codname "caio"; de fato q quem conviveu comigo um pouco, saberia com facilidade dizer a quem q eu me referia neste sonho. O que eu acho de estremo interresse ao leitor é o fato q ocorreu no dia 17 de maio, quase um mes depois.

Naquele dia(17/5) o "caio" havia se mudado a 3 dias da casa, e para nossa tristeza levou pertences de outros com ele. O que me impressiona foi q neste sonho apos pegar o q nao era dele eu me lancei na empreitada de reaver o q me era por direito, como fiz tambem na realidade. Tanto antes como apos reaver os objetos roubados vi o "caio" em minhas maos com adrenalina em meu corpo prestes a dar-lhe uma surra. Tanto no sonho como na realidade isto aconteceu, segurei-o com tanta vontade de lhe bater... mas graças a Deus nao o bati.

Relatei isso com intenção de mostrar como este tipo de fato nao pode ser ignorado. Hoje a melhor esplicação q consigo é q Deus se revela em sonhos.

Uma ultima para fechar o assunto: alguns dias antes de meu tio Carlos morrer eu tinha sonhado q algo horrivel ia acontecer com minha mae, eu achava q ela q ia morrer. Alguns dias depois a morte do meu tio veio; eu me arrependo só de nao ter registrado este sonho com minha mae, mas tb nao tinha como, foi talvez abstrato demais para ser escrito. Enfim, nao queria concluir nada, mas deixar a cargo do leitor para analizar os fatos ocorridos e tirar suas conclusoes.

Adeilton Algumacoisa Chaves

Quero relatar um caso curioso q me aconteceu a alguns dias, isso é, num domingo depois da igreja.

Enquanto em viçosa esperando chega meu pedido (x-burguer), um sujeito curioso aparece pedindo esmola nas mesas. Vestia roupas velhas um chapeu de boiadeiro, com barbas brancas e pele morena; de fato parecia um forasteiro.

O Allan comenta comigo "nossa, q cara curioso" e eu respondo " massa né?".

Ele começa a se aproximar, pedindo daquele jeito curvado dele. Vejo q o Allan estava separando umas moedas para dar ao senhor entao lhe faço um sinal para aproximar. Ele fica receoso acha q vamos lhe fazer uma brincadeira de mal gosto...

depois de mostrar algumas moedas ele se aproxima. eu pergunto lhe estendendo a mao:
"qual o seu nome?" o q ele responde: "Adeilton x?bla Chaves, sou de Itabirito"
ivo: "o que faz aqui em viçosa?"
Adeilton:"estou de passagem vou à Brasilia... pedras preciosas..."
Allan: "quando vc chegou aqui e como planeja sair?"
Adeilton:"tem dois dias q aqui, nao conheço ninguem...nao .. onde morar...dificil Deus cuida"

Parecia qua dificuldade dele de falar nao era de bebedice ou algo similar, parecia q a muito nao tinha falado com alguem...

ivo: "vc tem parentes amigos?"
Adeilton: "nao"
ivo: "irmãos, pai, mae?"

Adeilton começa a chorar:
"meu pai, eu pequeno, um boi furou ele morreu. Mae na fazenda meu irmão cheio de sangue. Só eu e minha mae..."

ivo: "vc conhece Deus?"
Adeilton "Ele nao me deixa passar fome...sede..."
ivo: "Jesus..."
Adeilton: "o sangue de Jesus multiplica o sangue do meu pai e do meu irmao"
ivo: "Adeilton, dê-me a mao, permita-me a orar com vc"
...apos a oração:
Allan: "toma isso, isso é para vc" entregando-lhe as moedas
Adeilton abre uma bolsa dele e tira duas pedras pomo e coloca na mesa. "vendo pedras... preciosas. um presente" ele começa a querer ir embora
ivo: "vc quer comer" oferecendo-lhe o hamburguer q acaba de chegar.
Adeilton: "nao, nao. tenho q ir. obrigado. obrigado." ainda com lagrimas nos olhos ele se vira e vai como o forasteiro q vimos chegar.

espero q ele esteja bem, e q encontre nas poucas palavras q trocamos as verdadeiras pedras preciosas...